A note of music gains significance from the silence on either side.

It is nights like these, when I see my friends pictures from universities, that I wish I was in marching band. Or even considering joining marching band. While I loved it in high school I'm just not sure if it would be the best move for me when I transfer to university. It's fun, energetic, a great way of exercising. a way to see different places, to get to see football games for free, to have spend time and bond with all your closest friend. I mean those are the pros for me, the things that I loved in high school but in turn this is a different chapter of my life. I know that if I join marching band I'll have a blast and expand my musical capability but on the other hand I won't be living at home. Marching band is expensive and takes up a lot of time. Not only that but you also travel for a lot of games. If I'm working and trying to make a living my boss wouldn't appreciate it if I was asking for all this time off to go to games and things like that and I sure wouldn't like spending so much time away from my boyfriend. Time that really isn't necessary. I think it would be a ton of fun but I think it will be just as much fun to join ensembles and nothing compares to the rush you get on that field but if I can get a big solo or something like that in an ensemble it would all be worth it. And I wouldn't have to worry about relearning mellophone every year. If I would have gone to University straight out of high school and wouldn't have bills to pay or a boyfriend to love then I would take marching band. I know there are tons of people who probably think I'm crazy but as much as I would think I would have fun in marching band, just as much fun can be achieved in a concert setting. Enough about marching band, for now. I haven't gotten to play much since last Wednesday because I have come down with strep throat :( Hopefully this crap will be gone soon so I can get on with practicing my solo and improving my skills with a lessons. I hate that I finally got things rolling with my teacher and then.. BAM! Strep throat hits me and I have to cancel. Just my luck. But I'm hoping by Friday I'll be all better and be able to practice my little heart out. On french horn and sax. It's really true that if you don't practice everyday you go backwards. Sometimes I wish playing were like riding a bike... you could put it down for a year and when you pick it back up it would be like you never stopped. Unfortunately it doesn't happen that way and all us musicians (at least wind) have to practice out butts of everyday of the year. No breaks for us. Well I'm going to hit the hay, 6 am comes early! Until next time, live with no regrets.

Philosophy is the highest music

So I haven't gotten to practice horn in a few days but it has been crazy around here. Of course I hung out with my boyfriend over the weekend and worked ( I really need to make time for practice on weekeneds though), and today I was with my parents because we finally bought a house :). And as soon as I got home I got to slaving away at my theory homework ( I even forgot to do my laundry) and now it's to late to practice. I fear of waking my neighbors and them complaining. I was supposed to have lessons today.. but of course that got cancelled because he says he has a stomach virus. It's not that I don't believe him, I don't understand why it is so hard to give just one hour a week to me... maybe if he doesn't have time for me he shouldn't have offered the class at the college, don't cha think? I know he's sick but something always comes up! Well I'm trying to get that straightened out and practicing this super hard solo, Adagio and Allegro. It's going alright so far but it just doesn't sound like the recording to me. I'm thinking maybe I'm just playing it to fast of something. But on a more depressing note, I really wish I could practice right now because I feel super stressed and that always helps me feel better, doesn't it you?? I just found out my grade on a test I took today... not so good and I studied my heart out for it. You know, I always try to look at the positive side of things but this has really got me down.I know I have like 4 other tests but I really want to make honor roll again this semester and that is not a good start! That means every other test I have to work twice as hard. Oh, how I wish everything came as easily  to me as music does. I like how even when you think you know it all about music, there's always something more to learn. It's like in high school I thought I knew it all and here I am in college learning about part writing and all that junk. There is a lot that goes into music and you never really realize it. While I know not all music is written by the rules it's pretty cool to see how the great composeres all seemed to write the same way or in similarly ways. Similarly enough that we can study about it and call it "the rules". I just think music is fascinating in so many ways and the fact that people come up with these combinations and things that sound so good and complicated and amazing. I just don't know how they do it. I try to compose things and it comes out sounding like Jungle Bells. I FAIL. But  I really need to start watching less tv and devoting more time to studying. Last week I had the excuse that I was working all the time but this week I have nothing to do and a math test coming up so I really need to get studying because I don't understand any of it... I'm sure there are a lot of people out there that are with me. They say musicians are supposed to be good at math... sure 2 + 2 but give me this logic stuff and algebra and all that and I am lost. The numbers just don't speak to me. Well I guess I should get off here and go to bed.. 6:00 am comes pretty early. Until next time, live with no regrets. (and practice french horn)!

After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.

I know, again it's been a million years since I've wrote a blog.. but give me a beak please! School has started and I've been working more than ever! I know, not much of an excuse. I should be saying I've been practicing so much I haven't had time or I can't type because I've practiced so much my fingers are about to fall off... but that is not the case :( On the bright side though I am getting back into (trying) to practice every day. I'm going through the typical practice routine and I'm trying to go back to the basics since when I first began playing I jumped right into the music and ignored the rest. Because of that I'm going back and learning scales and lip slurs and different things like that. All things I know I'll need no matter where life takes me! Hopefully, my boyfriend and I will have some adventures ahead of us, which at the moment I'm not going to give details on but down the road I will tell :) But if things don't work out with that I'm planning on applying to schools here in Florida and hopefully something will work out there. I have found a solo that I think is really cool called allegro and adagio. If you have the time go look it up on YouTube (I'm to lazy to post the link right now) and I know it's long but it's worth it. The contrast in it is amazing. I know if I tried to play it I'd be working on it for a while... especially to get adagio up to speed.  Ah! As for saxophone I'm working on finding some music that I thin would be fun to play and then I'm going to work on it some more. I"m going to try to learn at least one new scale every time I practice it and hopefully one day I will be amazing! haha well I'm going to go and find something saxophony to play. Until next time, live with no regrets.

My music will go on forever. Maybe it's a fool say that, but when me know facts me can say facts. My music will go on forever

I know it's been a while since I updated but things have actually been picking up around here. Well, mostly at least. I've been trying to practice my horn more but it's been complicated. I'm stuck for almost an hour in a closet that's "walk in" but imagine it full of not only clothes but putting a chair in there plus my ghetto stand, which really isn't a stand at all. It's simply a box i sit music on that's leaned up against the wall. So there's that plus I'm in this closet that has no vent and I keep the door closed to try to keep as much sound from bothering my neighbors as possible. But it's all good and I'm making the best of it. I've been practicing my latest solo that I told you about in an earlier blog my Franz Strauss and it's coming along nicely. Not as fast as I'd like it but I believe by the time auditions come around I will be prepared. As soon as lessons start up again I'm going to hit it extra hard and play it for an upcoming recital. I've changed my mind on colleges, again. haha I'm thinking the main school I want is University of Florida and my backup (which I know my high school band director can pull some strings to get me in anyway) is Troy University. Both are really good school but UF is known for things, you know. But great news is I got a saxophone! My lovely boyfriend bought it for me for my birthday :) You don't have to tell me, I know he's amazing. So I've been learning that and I must say it's harder than I thought it would be. I just have to get used to the whole reed thing and how to make the sound. I need to find some really good music to learn and print out some scales. It's going to be awesome once I'm good at it though. Once school starts up and I'll have a practice room to practice in I think I'm going to play horn on odd days and saxophone on even and then when I get home, if I have time, I'll play the opposite. That way I'll be playing both everyday so I'll get some awesome practice time in:) I've been a forgetful Freddy lately and keep forgetting that school starts Monday. I had already scheduled my eye appointment for a time and day when I have class, and not to mention math class, but now i scheduled a job interview for the second day of classes. Oh gee, I hope this isn't a look into what this semester is going to be like. Note to self and everyone out there, just write things down! haah well I'm going to go finish watching schooby-doo. Until next time, live with no regrets.

Music should strike fire from the heart of man, and bring tears from the eyes of woman.

Well, practicing has been going well for the most part and I'm really glad I've started again. I think it's a stress reliever as well as just makes me feel good inside. This week I've memorized all major scales and I think next week I'll continue to review and try to learn minor scales. The fact that all of these have to be two octaves pretty much makes me want to die. But I'm sure I'll make it through. I've never even attempted to memorize minor scales so I'm not sure how long this will take.... hopefully not more than two weeks or so. Music theory has done me well and I'm pretty sure I have most of my minor scale key signatures memorized so if not it will be a great learning experience :)! Other than that I've been practicing out of a really cool etude book and practicing two solos. One is the one I played at Berklee and the other is also by Strauss but I can't remember the name of it right now. The new solo is kicking my butt though. I always hate that feeling that you're playing it wrong because you're not exactly sure how ti's supposed to go. I'll have to listen to it and then practice my booty off. I'm (hopefully) planning on being able to play it through, and mostly accurate, by the end of summer that way when lessons come around all we have to do is tweak it and I can play it at Recitals and that junkers. I think that will be good practice for auditions! Other than that not much has gone on in life. I'm still with my wonderful boyfriend and still work at the same place. I was on a "healthy eating/exercise" plan but that got ruined when I didn't have money to go shopping and all that's left is junk food :/ Oh well though. I'm hoping that next week will be better! I actually can't wait for school to start. While I know I will be much more stressed out and have a million things to do, I kind of like it that way. I don't like being able to sit around my house all day doing nothing... I feel kind of worthless, you know? I'd rather know I have something to do and get it done to feel like I've accomplished something during the day! I can't wait till fall though, it will be a whole new semester with the same old people... but maybe somethings will change, You never know. Well I'm going to surf the web for a bit. Until next time, live with no regrets.

Without music life would be a mistake.

Well, I have good news! I've actually practiced since the last time I blogged. Oh, and not to mention I've even practiced twice. I came to the conclusion that I am a total slacker and I need to practice everyday to get back to where I was. Because let me be the one to tell you, it pretty much sucks when you've only practiced for ten minutes and your lips hurt so bad they won't work and feel like they are about to fall off. But I practiced for a half an hour this morning and it felt good :) Expressing yourself though music is something like no other. Especially on french horn where it is powerful and beautiful at the same time. I absolutely love it. I think I'm going to make it my goal to by the end of summer learn all my scales two octaves. At the very least learn the major scales and learn minor in the fall. But I don't want to much of a workload on me when I'm trying to learn solos also. I'm going to try and find a solo that's more of a technical piece because Op. 8 is more of a lyrical thing, at least i think. I'll have to get my instructors opinion on that one but that's my own opinion. Plus for Boston University I have to play and Etude, so I have to find a good one of those too! I will have my work cut out for me in the fall and I have a feeling that it will involve at least an hour of practice a day.. including weekends. So that means bye bye some Sean time.. but it will all be worth it in the end when we can move somewhere awesome together! I'm thinking at least a scale a day... maybe even more and I'll be set for life yo! To all you young musicians out there... learn your scales! Believe me, they come in handy when you get to college! Well my fellow musicians and what not, until next time live with no regrets.

Without music life would be a mistake.

Of course, I still haven't practiced or gotten a stand. It's hard to get the tools you need when you're broke. Gosh, sometimes I wish life could just throw me a bone for once! But anyway, I think by July I should, hopefully, have everything I need and be able to get back on track. Believe me, all this practicing is not doing me any good. I really need to practice for auditions in the winter instead of being lazy. I'm thinking I might just start sitting down and playing scales and little exercises I've memorised over the years. That way I don't need a stand or anything like that. Eh, first I have to get off my booty and do it! I need motivation... you'd think that knowing auditions are rapidly approaching would be motivation enough but for some reason I still feel like I don't have enough time. We shall see though. I'm trying to get more hours at work so I'll cut some other things out like tv and food haha but I'm willing to make sacrifices. Well I'm about to head off to my mommas house so we can go to zumha. Gotta get my workout on! :) Until next time, live with no regrets!

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body.

While I still haven't gotten around to practicing horn I have made some changes is life, starting today. I know I've said a million times I want to be healthier but today I've taken the big leap! I have watched what I put in my mouth and I even went to the gym. I must say, I not only feel much better about myself but I feel better in general and happier. I think it's just a mental thing... or it could be all those vitamins I took. Can vitamins mess with your brain?? Oh, and how about every time you burp it's all you taste! It doesn't go away either and I find it annoying.  But hey, I'm really going to stick to it this time. They say if you stick with something for a month it becomes habit so I'm going for the gold. My next goal is to make time to practice horn. Okay, I'll face it... I have plenty of time to play. I just don't take the time to play. I make excuses but I believe as soon as I get my next paycheck there is gonna be some major horn practicing around here. I probably suck majorly right now because it's been over a month since I played but I'm going to get it back and I'm going to try to build up my chops again before lessons start in August. While eating right and exercising makes me feel good, I know playing horn everyday will make me a much happier person. Well, mostly. Sometimes it can be stressful to practice, practice, and practice and still not be able to get a rhythm or note but hey it all comes with the territory. You know, I really wanna play saxophone. Don't get me wrong, I love horn but if I can master horn AND saxophone I can get like twice the money. I can play horn for like classical things and stuff and I can get gigs playing sax for jazz bands and weddings and stuff. It's a really beautiful instrument (even though horn is better). It would take up a lot of time though. Think, I'd have to practice horn for at least an hour a day and then practice sax on top of that so that's  two hours right their. I might have to change my bed time! haha well I'm going to go find some cool solos and junk. Until next time, live with not regrets :)

Music stimulates within us direct experience of expanded reality.

Do you ever just feel like a loser? Ever just wish something about your life was different? Boy, oh boy do I right now. I'm sitting around my aprtment eating and getting fat... wishing I had friends to hang out with. Since I got out of school for the summer I went to Nashville with my family and went to Pennsylvania with my family. Other than that I've took my dogs to the dog park and sat around trying to find something... anything to do. Maybe I just feel this way because I'm used  to being a busy bee....but I just feel so worthless. I feel fat and lazy and worthless... I don't have anything to do to fill my time and every time I try to find someone to keep my company.... it never happens. Anyway, enough of my sob story... nothing really has gone on these past few days... I still haven't practiced. Even though I've obviously had a lot of time on my hands it's hard to do when you don't have a stand to hold your music. I've even resorted to stapleing my music to the wall.. haha. But as I've said before I have been filling out applications to colleges, even though they aren't due for a while I figured why not get a jump start on essays and stuff like that. So I've pretty much finished all the info stuff on all of them, just essays are left. Some are harder than others but none of them seem impossible like Berklee did. I think a formal audition will do me good though, and I'm glad I'm going to get another shot at a school in Boston. Well.. that's all I really have to say for now. So until next time, live wtih no regrets.

Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness.

I'm pretty sure I'm prolly the worst music major out there. I have only practiced one time this summer.... talk about total failure. It's not that I don't want to practice, because I really do. It's just that it's so hard to get to practice. I live here in this apartment where if I practice I'm afraid someone will complain about me. Last time I went into my closet and practiced for about a half an hour but I tried not to be loud. If I go to the college to practice I have to bother a million people to find a key to unlock the practice room. I guess if you really want something bad enough though, then you go through all of these things to get it. I think I've pretty much narrowed down the schools I want to go to next year. I'm going to apply for University of Florida, Boston University, Hartt University, and Ohio University. I was also thinking about maybe applying to a college in Nashville because it's a really cool place but I just dunno about that one yet. I liked it when I was there and it's really a great place but it's not one of the "top" school and while the school I go to doesn't have to be a top school, I do what to know that I'm getting the best education possible for what I want  to do. You know, I'm really in love with Horn. I'm really thankful that Mr. E (my high school band director) pushed me and didn't let me quit. I will always be grateful for that. It's taught me a lot not only about horn but about life in general. You can't go around quitting all the time and you certainly never know when you might really like something once you get the hang of it! Well I guess I'll prolly get off here and go to the gym or clean or do something productive. It's too early to practice so I'll take on that adventure later! Until next time, live with no regrets! :)

Music fills the infinite between two souls. This has been muffled by the mist of our daily habits.

Not much has gone on lately. I actually went to the college to practice only to find out that the practice rooms were locked!! Ugh, so I emailed my teacher to see if they'd be open during the summer but have gotten no answer. I just might have to find a new place to practice for now. I can NOT go the whole summer without practicing. No way. But other than that not much has gone on. My family has decided to take a trip to Pennsylvania in a few weeks. I'm honestly excited but wish so bad that my boyfriend could go. I just know him not being there is gonna bring me down... I don't wanna spend a whole week without him :( hmm, well other than that nothing is happening. I'm trying to work more and this week I have more hours... I really hope it continues. The finances are getting pretty tight. I need to start finding a way to limit myself on the foods that I eat because it seems that I eat so much during the day and it cannot be healthy. Erg.. I dunno. So those are my random thoughts right now. I know this is all jumbled together but hopefully I get some things straighted out soon. Until next time, live with no regrets.

Music is the shorthand of emotion.

Well, it's summer and not much is going on...especially musically. Like I said before I'm looking at different colleges and trying to decide what ones I want to apply to in the fall. I'm really hoping I find something soon because time is running out. There are so many to choose from and I'm not only looking at the program itself but where it's located and that location in perspective to an Air Force Base (Yeah, I'd like to keep my job). So weeding through all these colleges is some hard work... and how do I decide what's too far away? It's not like I'm there to drive it. There are so many what if questions but I'm hoping though this process I can put those questions to bed. Well today I think I'm going to head down to the college and get some practice time in. (It's much needed because I haven't practiced in almost two weeks...can you say slacker??) But today has been productive, so far. I originally woke up at around six and watched a few episodes of Boy Meets World :) Then I decided to put a pillow over my head and go back to sleep, even though I had already slept for eight hours. After I woke up for good I clean my apartment and decided that later on I'm going to take one of my dogs, a chocolate lab named Ranger, to the dog park to get some of his energy out. I know he's been wanting to go for a while, I've just been too busy to go. Hopefully I'll get some reading done later. I'm reading a great book called A Curable Romantic and at first I thought it was boring but now I can put it down!! I'm thinking it's going to be a good day (after I clean my room) and what makes it even better is I get to see my boyfriend later :) Well I guess I should go clean my room or pick up dog poop or something... until next time, live with no regrets!!

Life is like music; it must be composed by ear, feeling, and instinct, not by rule.

As this blog slowly continues, I don't have much to report. Nothing musically has gone on in my life in the past few weeks. Right now I'm just trying to find the time to practice and do everything else that needs to be done. On a lighter note I'd like to add school is out for the summer and I couldn't be happier. My plans, so far, are to practice as much as I can get to the school, workout a little more, maybe hang out with more friends, and definitely work more! At least I hope that last one can happen. I went to Nashville this past week with my Mom, Dad, and boyfriend and I must say it was a lot of fun. We experienced a lot of things such as the Grand Ole Opry, Country Music Hall Of Fame, a marathon, Tennessee State Museum, and some old Civil War things. Overall, it was a good trip. I'm trying to figure out which college I might want to go to next fall and my search isn't going to well. While there are a lot of colleges with good music programs it's just finding the one that's right for me. There are a lot of places I'd like to go and see but I'm just not sure what to do. I guess fill out a million applications and then decide from there. So, other than these things not much has gone on in my life. As I said I've been absent from my normal duties for almost a week now and just today I really got back to normal things. (Even though things around here aren't really that normal.) The next blog I'll have pictures to post from Nashville and hopefully some college news or something of the sort. Until next time, live with no regrets!!

Where words fail, music speaks.

I have decided to re-do my blog again. This time it's (hopefully) for the last time. I was trying that whole wordpress thing but man is it complicated! I couldn't figure anything! So, I gave up and now I'm here again. Well just in case you didn't know I bombed my audition at Berklee College of Music in December. I was completely prepared before I left here but when I got to the audition, man it was a disaster. As if there's not enough pressure they sit there with their little Mac's tying away as you do everything! First was the solo which I thought was going to be the best thing since sliced bread buut it turned out there is something about Boston air or something that my lips weren't used to because they did not cooperate! It was a bunched up mess of missed notes all over and you couldn't even tell what piece of music I was playing. Let me tell you, I sure was embarrassed and I wanted to cry but I kept it together because that wasn't the end of things. Surprisingly enough I did awesome on the ear training part, which I thought I was going to fail. I sailed on though rhythm and scales and I tried my best on my interview. But despite my awesome answers and any attempt at all to make friends with the judges to make up for my horrible solo, I didn't get into Berklee. Looking back now I think it's probably best that I didn't get in. The solo I played is at the bottom of the page! Then my next setback was my house catching fire. I went from being able to practice everyday and anytime I want to having to travel to school or make time in between classes (which is harder than you might think) to be able to practice. But I make the best of the situation and I recently tried out for a scholarship and got it :) So that's good news on that front. I'm trying to find good schools to try out for next year, I'm thinking possibly Ohio state... hmm we'll see. But today I had juries and they went... well okay you could say. I didn't get bad comments or anything but I was so nervous! I was sweating and couldn't breathe and it was horrible. I don't think I've ever been so nervous in my life! I can say that at least I was playing a duet! Hahah but I've learned a lesson, I need to get over this stagefright thing. I've performed a million times but something about not being in a band of over 100 people just kills me. Overall though, I can say it went pretty well and I got all good comments. I just wish I could have blown them away, ya know? I watching this movie yesterday called Immortal Beloved . It's about Beethoven and it was actually pretty good, despite the fact that it was two hours long. It keeps you on your toes and I recommend anyone with an interest in music or even without an interest in music should watch it. We should all better ourselves with knowledge :) Well until the next blog, live with no regrets!